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Topic: You must be joking! (Read 2642 times)

You must be joking!

I've just returned from stepping out onto my front porch to smoke a cigarette… There was still a smattering of rain and the sky was overcast. With 50+ oz. of beer on board, I said aloud "What? It's still raining? It's not like we need it…" And, then, realizing that we do, said, "Well, okay: We do. But…"
Mother Nature seems to be a typical mother, always complaining that her kids never call. And her kids repeatedly responding that she never listens…
(I do this sort of thing when sober, too! So, unless you'd make it funny, don't go there.)

What I'd like to talk about is: How many of you create jokes? I mean, do you think of funny things to say on a regular basis — but, not being a professional, keep them -mostly- to yourself?

As the originator of the epithet "the kamikaze of the entertainment industry" for stand-up comics, I have a personal interest in your replies. Also, I fondly remember both Koestler's musings on the topic and Azimov's short story Jokester…

So: Have you "little" jokes you've made on the spur of the moment that you'd relate here?

Also keep in mind Robert Frost's gem:
“Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee
And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.”
进行 ...
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." - James Thurber
"Science is the belief in the ignorance of experts!" - Richard Feynman
 (iBook G4 - Panther | Mac mini i5 - El Capitan)

Re: You must be joking!

Reply #1 –
Well I just want to greatly compliment you for managing to get even out the door so good for you. A thousand miles start with the first small step but do not be too ambitious. Congratulations for reaching the porch. Moves me.
"Quit you like men:be strong"

Re: You must be joking!

Reply #2 –
Oh, despite the rain, I've done household chores, run errands (…including recycling my beer cans!), done shopping and watched my niece's two boys for a couple of hours (which included their first game of Avengers Monopoly!)… Where you get the idea that I'm a bump on a log escapes me…
But I'll admit that, even when I'm out walking along a riverbank or in a forest, I'm likely to have a book with me. Why you'd have a problem with that is also beyond me. Do you really believe that people who read books are, necessarily, sedentary? :)
If so, you must be a whirling dervish!
进行 ...
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." - James Thurber
"Science is the belief in the ignorance of experts!" - Richard Feynman
 (iBook G4 - Panther | Mac mini i5 - El Capitan)

Re: You must be joking!

Reply #3 –
Jokes happens.
The most irritating kind of people are those memorizing jokes to torture the next innocent person they found.
A matter of attitude.

Re: You must be joking!

Reply #5 –
       A couple's in bed.
        The husband says, "How about it?"
        She says, "Not tonight. I have to go to the gynecologist tomorrow and I want to be fresh."
       

        He says, "You're not going to the dentist, are you?"


       


       A guy says to his wife, "When I get mad at you, you never fight back.
        How do you control your anger?"
        She says, "I clean the toilet bowl."
      
        He says, "How does that help?"
       



        She says, "I use your toothbrush."

Re: You must be joking!

Reply #6 –
An Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.

The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed.
The baker doesn't notice.

The Englishman says to the Scotsman:
"You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!"

The Scotsman says to the Englishman:
"Watch this, a Scotsman is always cleverer than an Englishman."

He says to the baker,
"Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick!"

The baker gives him the cookie which the Scotsman promptly eats.
Then he says to the baker:
"Give me another cookie for my magic trick."

The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him.  He eats this one too.

Then he says again:
"Give me one more cookie... "

The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The Scotsman eats this one too.

Now the baker is really mad, and he yells:
"And where is your famous magic trick?"

The Scotsman says:
"Look in the Englishman's pocket!"

Re: You must be joking!

Reply #7 –
:)
进行 ...
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." - James Thurber
"Science is the belief in the ignorance of experts!" - Richard Feynman
 (iBook G4 - Panther | Mac mini i5 - El Capitan)

Re: You must be joking!

Reply #9 –
Not joking about this either!

Re: You must be joking!

Reply #10 –
Have never liked spiderman. But a neat way of maintains your corner I suppose.
"Quit you like men:be strong"

Re: You must be joking!

Reply #11 –
Yeah: If only Steve Ditko was available to pencil and ink Mohammad… Oh, wait; oops, sorry: No images!
进行 ...
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." - James Thurber
"Science is the belief in the ignorance of experts!" - Richard Feynman
 (iBook G4 - Panther | Mac mini i5 - El Capitan)
 

Re: You must be joking!

Reply #12 –
Good reads.