The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Topic: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful (Read 110949 times)

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #275 – 2015-03-15, 18:57:53

Nope and nice try at the swipe. Carrots tended to be one colour back then so silly mistake on your part. I do hope the Pope has carrots a lot.

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #276 – 2015-03-16, 19:39:31

In Mexico, vaccinations are (kind of) fun: http://www.pri.org/stories/2015-03-05/place-where-getting-vaccinated-can-feel-festive-and-what-says-about-us

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #277 – 2015-03-16, 20:24:36

A part of the problem here is that some people actually listen to celebrity bul*s*hit.

Quote

The idea that vaccines cause autism has been found to be totally false by doctors and scientists, in the same way almost all sane observers agree global warming is manmade. But thanks to anti-vaccine misinformation spread by some celebrities like McCarthy, Miyam Bialik, and Donald Trump, doctors say preventable diseases like measles are making a comeback across America, and children are dying from them. From mid-2007 through the end of 2014, there were 6,274 U.S. deaths that could have been prevented by vaccines, as documented by CDC reports.

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #278 – 2015-03-17, 02:19:20

Now just imagine jimbro waking up and finding Trump as President and McCain as Vice-President . I will keep an upstairs room for you.

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #279 – 2015-03-20, 10:01:36

Quote from: rjhowie on 2015-03-17, 02:19:20

Now just imagine jimbro waking up and finding Trump as President and McCain as Vice-President . I will keep an upstairs room for you.

That's as likely as waking up and finding out that you're the new Queen and Palin is your king consort. Or is it queen consort? Royalty confuses me.

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #280 – 2015-03-20, 15:32:17

Are these wacky enough for you? They're from a TV show, Hollywood Squares, that ran years ago. And, no, I didn't watch it.
============================

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness.

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency...

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty...

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q.. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #281 – 2015-03-20, 18:54:40

Well jimbro there is a slightly better chance of some political cracker getting somewhere over the water and I am more than happy to concede athat history matter to you-hoo.

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #282 – 2015-03-20, 20:53:31

Thanks for the "blast from the past" Jaybro! I did watch it — I believe it was in syndication, even then… (And, of course, the show had a team of writers to prepare most of the star's quips.)
And Bob Newhart thinks he "invented" sit-down stand-up!

(That "first" should go to Totie Fields… Yes, I know that's not accurate; but you know me!)
————————————————————————————————
Some may be off-put by such reminiscence… If so, they can consider that (according to Wiki) "the final first-run episode aired on May 22, 1981, and reruns lasted until September 11."
20 years later… (and now firmly entrenched in our history) was an event that should probably be understood in terms of 3/2… What say you, conspiracy theorists?

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #283 – 2015-03-21, 06:05:33

Quote from: OakdaleFTL on 2015-03-20, 15:53:31

And Bob Newhart thinks he "invented" sit-down stand-up! (That "first" should go to Totie Fields… Yes, I know that's not accurate; but you know me!)

I vaguely remember the voice but not the person.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuGnPpMZ6YM

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #284 – 2015-03-21, 06:33:07

And (except for album covers, later) I only knew her from Kenny Mayer's Sunday night (12 to 2 am) radio show in the Boston area…
Another act remains in my memory only because of that broadcast: The Bickersons!

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #285 – 2015-03-21, 07:04:24

Blanche and John.
=======================
Oliver Hardy: 'Didn't you once tell me that you had an uncle?'
Stan Laurel: 'Sure, I've got an uncle. Why?'
Oliver: 'Now we're getting somewhere. Is he living?'
Stanley: 'No. He fell through a trap door and broke his neck.'
Oliver: 'Was he building a house?'
Stanley: 'No, they were hanging him.'
=======================
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/culturepicturegalleries/11034196/funny-jokes.html?frame=3009404
=======================
You might find this interesting.
https://sites.google.com/site/calfkiller/oldtimeradiodownloads

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #286 – 2015-03-21, 08:32:19

Thank you! I quickly went to the Nero Wolfe series featuring Sydney Greenstreet… (How I wish he'd been able to play the role on film…) I'd thought the Old Time Radio franchise had lapsed.

If nothing else, you should take credit for a prolonged absence of me posting! (Radio drama invokes a more intense attention than, say, television.) Well done, sir!
Your fellows will hail your accomplishment, deservedly.

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #287 – 2015-03-21, 09:29:43

This just in!
===========
I just received an audit on my tax return for 2014 from the IRS. It puzzles me!!!
They are questioning how many dependents I claimed. I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all dependents?"
To which I replied,

12 million illegal immigrants;
3 million crack heads;
42 million unemployed people on food stamps;
2 million people in over 243 prisons;
Half of Mexico;
535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate;
1 useless President
Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer. I
KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO The Hell DID I MISS? I think I know:

The head of the IRS!
===================
The above is a lie that I'm passing on from an ex-buddy from my days in the Navy who lives in Honolulu, Hawaii.

http://www.wunderground.com/weather-forecast/US/HI/Honolulu.html

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #288 – 2015-03-22, 02:52:59

Well I have already intimated well over 2 million in jails but you missed out the one million annually losing homes. Now just see what you have missed in that too cumfy armchair.....

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #289 – 2015-03-22, 03:53:28

If only the rest of the world could get on the way the Scots do, by taking in each others' laundry!

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #290 – 2015-03-22, 07:58:39

Quote from: OakdaleFTL on 2015-03-22, 03:53:28

If only the rest of the world could get on the way the Scots do, by taking in each others' laundry!

There's a reason for that.

================================================

Quote from: rjhowie on 2015-03-21, 21:52:59

Now just see what you have missed in that too cumfy armchair.....

No armchair can be too cumfy!

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #291 – 2015-03-22, 10:02:06

… I had a contraption much like the one pictured. And I liked it! But I had a nephew who -somehow- kept getting access to tools. Screwdrivers were a special preference to him. The one and a half inch bolts that kept my comfy rocker together disappeared - at odd intervals; eventually, there were enough of them gone — with no hope of recovery — that my chair had to be "retired".

Recently, I've noticed two things:
One, when I opened the driver's door of my coupe, the dome-light no longer went on. (I'd not — I hasten to add — decided to evade detection, as I shadowed other drivers… I'd long ago given up any and every pseudo-detective functions; I don't even serve civil process anymore.)
What had -likely- happened was, my five-year old great nephew had removed a screw… (I'd caught him using a plastic knife on the other door…and probably prevented the complete circumvention of that function.) Luckily, there were non-essential parts … I removed a screw from an already hardly functioning piece of the car's interior and fixed the problem.
Two, kids make their own rules — but they don't keep to them. Gee! Go figure…

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #292 – 2015-03-22, 14:41:47

Quote from: OakdaleFTL on 2015-03-22, 03:02:06

with no hope of recovery

No hardware stores in the mid-west? That is weird.

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #293 – 2015-03-22, 18:04:05

Let me recommend that you can always get screwed at Walmart.
http://www.walmart.com/search/search-ng.do?query=Hardware&cat_id=0&facet=category:Screws

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #294 – 2015-03-23, 22:05:29

Well Oakdale it is far less harming taking in someone else's laundry than sticking 2.4 million people in jail. Either you have a very dangerous country or it is shared by over punishing people??

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #295 – 2015-03-24, 06:54:43

You prefer your crooks, muggers and molesters to roam the streets at will…? Interesting!

And even after they've been caught! What a wonderful society you must have — for the wolves among you and your fellow sheep…

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #296 – 2015-03-24, 11:19:27

The GNU Manifesto turns 30

Quote

“With software,” Stallman still frequently observes, “either the users control the program, or the program controls the users.”

http://www.newyorker.com/business/currency/the-gnu-manifesto-turns-thirty

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #297 – 2015-03-24, 20:24:21

Bang

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #298 – 2015-03-24, 22:14:29

Quote from: string on 2015-03-24, 20:24:21

Bang

Finders keepers.

Re: The Weird, the Wacky and the Wonderful

Reply #299 – 2015-03-24, 23:02:18

Quote from: Frenzie on 2015-03-24, 11:19:27

The GNU Manifesto turns 30
Quote
“With software,” Stallman still frequently observes, “either the users control the program, or the program controls the users.”

http://www.newyorker.com/business/currency/the-gnu-manifesto-turns-thirty

Is it weird, wacky or wonderful?

I noticed this paragraph:

Quote

The first complete free-software operating system became available in 1991, with the publication by Linus Torvalds of the Linux kernel. The “kernel” of a computing system controls its most basic functions, like memory management and the scheduling of tasks. A GNU kernel called the Hurd had long been in development, but had never achieved a stable release. The developer Jeb Boniakowski told me: “Meanwhile, some kid in Finland … reads a book on operating systems and looks at GNU and he says ‘Shit, all these guys are missing is a kernel.’ And so he hacks out Linux. Which was an absolute pile of garbage, clumsily written and using a grossly outdated design. But it worked. It did stuff. It was free in both senses of the word.”